There’s a moment where boys become men (and no, I’m not talking about puberty). All of a sudden, your life will be changed. You understand what you want and the responsibilities it come with. It’s a shame that I didn’t find out sooner. Young me had the polar opposite idea what it meant to be in a relationship. Here I thought that women wanted calm and reserved guys (like your cool guys, but no cool guys here). High school dating was pretty bad because it so artificial. What I learned from dating in high school is that no matter who you date, your look will change. I’ve dated “ugly” girls, “easy” girls, “needy” girls and so on (not my opinion on them, just what I heard people saying). Because of that, I was also labeled some pretty harsh things.
Why bring this up? Well, because I realize that all those relationships were doomed. Why? The simple answer is honesty. I wasn’t being honest with myself and my partners. Those relationships weren’t for me. The reason was I wasn’t myself. I was afraid to face them about my hobbies and interests (they’re not even that embarrassing). Most importantly, I wasn’t honest about my social anxiety (but I am surprised that I even made it that far to actually date, even though it was a mess). I always appeared distant, calm and cool. That was just a front. I mean, who wants to be with someone who doesn’t like to go out a lot and who afraid to socialize
I realized that I needed to find someone who can accept me for who I am and who wouldn’t try to change me. For example, if your one of those people who value space in a relationship, your partner should understand that and work with. Works with the polar opposite.
This is important because I found the one (and it only took about 10+ years). Instead of trying to reinvent myself like a phoenix, I should find someone who will accept me for the awkward, shy fire chicken that I am. This happened during my college years coming out of a bad relationship will she who shall not be named. I wasn’t necessarily looking for a relationship after that train wreck. Her name is Ashley and we met in a speech class (IRONY!!!). Something about her called to me. She seemed like a person who can understand me and it helped that she was a bit shy. So thankfully our professor put us together to work in a group.
[Something to know about me: the only thing that ranks higher than my social anxiety is my professionalism. I’m really responsible in work and school and will get the job done, even if it goes outside of my comfort zone. I’m just gonna look back at this, curl up in the fetal position, and die of embarrassment]
I think I would had trouble talking with her if I didn’t have a need to. This just stems from seeing other girls dismissing guys. (Hey, sometimes you just got to put yourself out there to get the girl. But if you see that the girl wants none of that and she WILL let you know, then wish her a good day and walk)
I would be lying if I said I handled approaching her with a smooth, slick demeanor (a lot of stuttering coming out of my mouth and confidence throwing itself out the window). But she gave me a chance after almost being friend zoned. Still not sure why she gave me a chance. It was an awkward first few months due to both of us having social anxiety, but we stood with it and we warmed up to each other. Our relationship is strong because I insisted on honesty from the get go. I let it all out. I told her, “I sweat too much, play video games for a crazy amount of time and I’m overall geeky”. And we understand each other and accept each other for who we are. That’s the beauty of this relationship. Sure, we may not share the same enthusiasm for our hobbies but our strength comes from an emotional and personality level. We are just so compatible and compliment each other.
[Warning: Mushiness levels will exceed normal capacity]
She’s the best thing that’s happened in my life. Not only is she the love of my life, she’s also my best friend. We are now a power couple. It’s us two in this game of life vs. whatever the world can throw at us. She will pick me up where I fail and vice versa. Knowing that there someone who loves you unconditionally is the best feeling there is. I have trouble articulating my words but I let her know how much I love her through my gestures.
If you’re reading this honey, I just want to say that I cant wait to see what we will conquer next. Here’s to another 53.74+ years together (cause the average life expec…. I’m gonna stop there before she dies of math boredom)